weird.
this news that i just heard is the answer for what i was hoping for months. to let anyone takes whichever makes my life comfortable, to take things seriously. my ego told me to learn something that’s been taken over by a certain person. im craving for the bigger responsibility and getting more people under my hand. i hate being insignificant and didnt do what my thought leads to. but when my prayers are granted, why do i feel, ..
lately i’ve been super undetermined to do almost anything. even at waking up in the morning, eating, and getting asleep at night.
the same pattern comes back, that’s what i’m afraid of. but i think this is different. i still can meet people at this rate.
some people said, working out may help you to gain confidence and make you instantly determined.
is it true though.
socializing is inevitable, especially when you’re a functional person in society.
the most common twist behind all of this is, when you have to listen and cope with their bullshit almost every time. fun and games, they thought. you dont pay me shit for doing this, mam.
but sometimes im intrigue to see people’s reactions, gestures, expressing their way to accept or barely holding in. eventhough most of the times i hate to socialize. I dont like the expectation theyre putting in, as if they know what kind of person i am and there are (only) definite ways for me to react.
but maybe im just being overly sensitive. or, its just that i like weekend more than any other days. minus cope with varde responsibilities.
i definitely had to stop killing them in my mind. they have rights to live anyway.
annex 